An interactive session between the moderator and the members of Bed Briefing House.
Topic: I QUIT THE MARRIAGE BECAUSE HE CAN’T SATISFY ME.
Date: 6 August, 2021.
Moderator: Miss Emelda Eze.
Venue: Bed briefing Telegram house.
Collator: Miss Adaobi Obiekezie.
Marriage is the beginning of the family and is a life-long commitment. It also provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your wife and children. Marriage is more than a physical union; it is also a spiritual and emotional union. This union mirrors the one between God and His Church. Do you think quitting a marriage because of lack of Satisfaction should be encouraged…?
Let’s find out…….
In your own understanding what do you understand as Marriage?
Marriage is a formal union, social and legal contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically, and emotionally.
The Bible Defines Marriage as a Covenant. God sketched his original plan for marriage in Genesis 2:24 when one man (Adam) and one woman (Eve) united together to become one flesh: Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Marriage is the beginning of the family and is a life-long commitment. It also provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your wife and children. Marriage is more than a physical union; it is also a spiritual and emotional union. This union mirrors the one between God and His Church.
What do you understand as SATISFACTION?
– Satisfaction is a fulfilment of one’s wishes, expectations, needs, or the pleasure derived from this. It is a pleasant feeling that you get when you receive something you wanted or when you have done something you wanted to do.
Marriage and Satisfaction…..
When the two words are joined together…What do you think is Marriage Satisfaction or Marital Satisfaction?
– Marital satisfaction means fulfillment of marriage desires, needs and expectations and the pleasure derived from this fulfillment.
– Marital satisfaction is the fulfillment of ones needs, wants and desires in a marriage is a mental state that reflects the perceived benefits and costs of marriage to a particular person.
I Quit the marriage because he can’t satisfy me…what do you think this topic is all about?
– Not giving in to someones expectations like fulfilling the needs and desires of a partner in a marriage…it could be Money, Sex, Attention, Love, Commitments and so on.
Do you think a marriage can be affected by lack of Satisfaction?
– It can when you have high expectations.
Some marriages have actually been broken due to lack of Satisfaction. Some give in to divorce as the only option for an unsatisfying marriage and seek to find another partner who would be able to satisfy their desires more than their previous partner.
Do you think it’s right for one to feel unhappy in a marriage?
– It’s not right to act that way. Christian marriage is for better for worse. Tolerance and persistence is a virtue in marriage. With time and proper dialogue, things might get better.
Actually, Feeling unhappy in a marriage is normal. All relationships have ups and downs, happy seasons and difficult seasons, agreements and disagreements. For most people, marriage is harder work than they anticipated, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the investment.
Even happy couples argue.
– Focus on each other’s strengths.
– Don’t expect your partner to complete you. But still, do things together.
– Choose to be attracted to your spouse.
– Laugh with each other.
– Be kind to one another.
– Celebrate small, good, moments.
What causes low marital satisfaction?
According to numerous studies, marital satisfaction is a multidimensional concept that is affected by many factors, including age at marriage, duration of marriage, ethnicity, personal characteristics, mental maturity, way of thinking, perception of one’s own self and others, expectations of life etc.
Do you think a woman should be able to speak out especially when she is not satisfied with the things going on in her marriage?
– For sure, That is the first step to solving the problem.
Some women actually prefer being mute because they wouldn’t know the outcome of whatever they will say about the unsatisfying marriage or rather prefer talking to a third party.
People quit their marriage due to lack of Satisfaction from their partners.
Can something be done about it… should one be encouraged to quit instead?
– Quitting is not a solution to any problem.
– The ideal thing should be to remain in marriage since both partners made vows before God and his church to remain together for better for worse but in the case where both parties lied to each other or hid certain things from each other during courtship and eventually that thing escalates into a problem, the best option is to separate because such union was built on falsehood.
– Prayer and Involving somebody that can handle the matter.
To have a satisfying marriage, partners should be able to speak out when things go wrong in their marriage. Spouses who are intimate, emotionally supportive, trusting, and caring have healthy marriages. Friendship and Spending Time Together helps build a good marriage. Couple often have different hobbies, but a key indicator of a healthy marriage is that couple enjoy each other’s company and have respect for one another. Commitment to Children and other things that promote a healthy marriage.
Couple that have a good understanding about themselves and their marriage should be able to solve the problem of an unsatisfying marriage but when it’s becomes totally difficult, partners having tried all means to settle their marriage problem between themselves and it doesn’t seem possible can involve a third party. Can be a more elderly person, their parents or a marriage counselor.
According to Barnett R. Bricker he states that “Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate”.
Years ago, my family and I embraced a minimalist lifestyle. We decided that too much clutter had collected in our home and it was demanding too much of our money, energy, and precious time.
We embarked on a journey to sell, donate, recycle, or remove as many of the non-essential possessions from our home as possible. It was one of the best decisions we ever made.
When we began removing the “stuff” from our life, we found a whole new world open up. We found that we had more time for the things that we valued most.
Now, as a result, we spend more time at the dinner table, we take longer walks as a family, and we have been able to save money for some worthwhile experiences like a weekend at the beach.
Removing the non-essentials has allowed us to focus more on the essentials and we have discovered that true life is found there.
Often times, our marriages follow the same trajectory.
To have a satisfying marriage……
1. Love and Commitment.
At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever and that is what defines healthy marriages.
Marriage is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life.
2. Sexual Faithfulness.
Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse.
Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness.
We all have weaknesses and marriages always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your marriage from moving forward.
If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and quickly write down three things that your partner does better than you—that simple exercise should help you stay humble. Repeat as often as necessary.
Because no one is perfect, patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage. Successful marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner. They humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. They do not bring up past errors in an effort to hold their partner hostage and they do not seek to make amends or get revenge when mistakes occur. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and marriage free.
Marriages don’t work without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful marriage requires intentional, quality time together and quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent.
The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have. Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a date-night once in a while wouldn’t hurt either.
6. Honesty and Trust.
Honesty and trust become the foundation for everything in a successful marriage. But unlike most of the other essentials on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless, committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time. Trust is only built after weeks, months, and years of being who you say you are and doing what you say you’ll do. It takes time, so start now and if you need to rebuild trust in your relationship, you’ll need to work even harder.
Healthy marriage partners communicate as much as possible. They certainly discuss kids’ schedules, grocery lists, and utility bills. But they don’t stop there. They also communicate hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties. They don’t just discuss the changes that are taking place in the kid’s life, they also discuss the changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls.
This essential key cannot be overlooked because honest, forthright communication becomes the foundation for so many other things on this list: commitment, patience, and trust…just to name a few.
Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin to live life together.
Many couples could avoid divorce if they got some good advice (and remembered it) when their marriage started having serious trouble.
Marriage isn’t easy. Building a strong marriage takes time, effort, and maturity. But it’s worth it.
We should always learn to open up especially when we are not having a good Marital Satisfaction. Open up to your spouse at the moment or point at which the unsatisfying attitude or action is taking place, if it requires time, give it time. Sort it out with your spouse, let your partner be your friend. But when the problem seems hard to handle between you two, you can involve an elderly mind or seek for a marriage counselor other than taking divorce as an option.
Marriage Problems is best settled between the partners hence when it becomes difficult, involve an elderly mind or seek advice from someone who can.
Thank you and God bless you……