An interactive discussion between the moderator and members of the bed briefing family on the topic: His Needs, Her Needs; Building A Sustainable Relationship
Date: 17th September 2020
Time : 8:30 pm
Venue: Bed Briefing House via Telegram
Moderator: Miss Oluchi Chibulu
Collator: Miss Benita Aniebo
We are going to be looking at the topic in two segments. First; we have to understand the nature of men and women because it’s when we do so that we can be able to know what they need in their peculiarities and also know if we are offering them in our relationship.How are men different from women and vice versa?Men are more logical than women not that women are not logical at all. A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results. Men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings for instance, while women fantasize about romance, men fantasize about powerful cars, faster computers, Gadgets and technology. They are more focused on achieving goals and providing solutions which makes him feel competent in himself. For women we have different values. We are more interested in communication, beauty and relationships. Women are highly emotional in nature and that explains their nuturing quality which made late Dr.Myles Munroe to call them an incubator. Meaning that they multiply whatever they received. Instead of being goal oriented, women are relationship oriented. Women are intuitive and have high ability to anticipate the needs of others. The relationship needs of both men and women and how they love! What do men desire most in a relationship?It’s seems like a man is more rigid in nature and deeds than the woman. Men are ego oriented too. They can be very sensitive when it comes to their ego. So the first need of every man is RESPECT! Others include acceptance, appreciation, security and trust. So how do we respect a man so that His ego is not hurt? We know as women it’s in our nature to nuture, be emotional and try to offer help. So many times, women think they are being good and nice by offering a man unsolicited advice. As good as offering an intelligent advice to your man when he is in a rough part is , it can hurt his sense of competence. Remember men are focused, want to provide solutions and feel like they have got the answers. So some of them when they don’t ask for advice feel like you are trying to show them a better way to do things. Maybe you don’t believe in them. Sometimes when they make decisions even though you think it’s not the best, it’s better to be quiet because they want to feel that you believe in them and trust them well enough to guide you. So when a man doesn’t ask for your advice it’s best to keep it or ask him if he would need your suggestions. Actually men know women are fast thinkers and very intuitive in nature and for some it’s a challenge. Does it mean that if you see your partner taking a very bad decision which he thinks its good but you know, perharps out of experience that the outcome is going to cause harm. Than good you just stay quite and wait for the days of doom?It’s how it’s done that matters. There is a way you may correct a man and he will start hiding things from you. Remember they don’t want you to mummy them. They don’t like the shouts and nagging and constant complaints. To them they may feel like you don’t accept them if you continually harmer on their weaknesses. Thus two important things; Know your partner and understand his personality.vWhen you do the first it will tell you how to go about corrections and giving advise. A lot of people know that it’s wrong to change or attempt to change someone. But unknowingly to us that’s what we are implying when we correct insistently. Another is emotional maturityFemales are highly emotional. We put our emotions in everything we do. From eating to gisting, to loving and reaction to simple words. A woman needs to be emotionally strong and mature because remember she is dealing with a logical being. A man may say a simple word and she will be sentimental about it. So how do women or what do women need to do to be that emotionally strong and capable humans?It all boils down to self control. Natural wisdom and our human instinct. We should know when to talk or to shut up. How to respond to conflicting issues and ideas. How to express our joys, sadness and not over express them. It all requires self consciousness.Now what are the needs of ladies? The first thing a woman needs is care, then emotional upliftment from a man. She wants to be pampered, to know she is appreciated and loved. To know she catches the man’s attention. She loves to hear nice words and good things about her. She loves to deeply communicate with her man. But what she needs when she is talking is a listening and affirmative ear not a solution. Just like men can get sensitive on a lady advising them, women also don’t really want a solution from a man when they are complaining about something. They want you to listen and support them where necessary. Sometimes it’s good to also confide in our female friends and don’t push all the loads on the male because guys can be impatient. Also, a woman needs freedom. Most men are authoritative and insecure. They feel challenged and suppress their woman which is not good. It will only take a small time for such a woman to break lose. Every woman needs to know she is free to take her decisions and will still be loved. She needs freedom of expression and also support to grow to be her best. The Sexuality of the Man and Woman We know men are easily sexually ignited than women and they can even attain libido faster and easier than women. In marriage we find out that some men may try to force sex or be so demanding about it without considering the feelings of their wives. Meanwhile, women are emotional. If you don’t treat your wife well she will just not be in the mood for sexual activity. A man may quarrel and beat his wife and still come to her hours after for sex. Women on the other hand choose to starve men of sex on the ground of punishing them.In summary all these are not good. Couples should learn to talk, resolve conflict and forgive each other. Remember love is sacrificial. Love the way the other understands and feel loved and not how you think it should be because your nature and his are not the same. God bless you!