HE OFFERED ME INFATUATION AND CALLED IT LOVE: TOWARDS A BETTER CLARIFICATION
An interactive discussion between the moderator and members of the bed briefing family on the topic: HE OFFERED ME INFATUATION AND CALLED IT LOVE: TOWARDS A BETTER CLARIFICATION
Date: 21st January 2021
Time : 7:00 pm
Venue: Bed Briefing House via telegram
Moderator: Mrs Oluchi Nwokwor
Collator: Miss Benita Aniebo
The concept of love and infatuation is not a strange one. I believe we all have ideas of what love and infatuation could mean.
Love is when you have a deep and strong affection for someone.
Infatuation is having a strong passion for someone that prevents one from thinking about them in a balanced and sensible way.
DEFINITION OF LOVE:
Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.
DEFINITION OF INFATUATION
Infatuation is a State of being carried away by an unreasoned passion usually towards another person, things. It can be developed into a strong romantic feeling.
As we may have know, there are different types of love namely:
-Platonic/ friendly love/ philia
-Romantic love/ Eros
-Self love/ philautia
-Guest love/ Xenia
-Divine love/ agape
-Familial love/ storge
But we are focusing on romantic love/ Eros and that is where our definition covered. Love is cast and can have different definitions to encompass the different types listed above.
Infatuation is not long lived and can be summarized as being selfish. Infatuation is shallow and may be short lived. The person involved may go on to promise the one he or she thinks he loves heaven and Earth but after a while, they loose total interest and find it difficult to continue. Infatuation can lead to lust and even true love depending on the case.
Chika is my friend and a close one at that. She went to the Cyber on a particular day around 2018 to print some paperwork and she met this tall, fair and handsome guy who left her with bubbles in her Tommy. She told me that for the hours she spent there at the Cyber, her heart raced and jumped up to her mouth each time they glanced at each other. Before the end of the day they got to exchange pleasantries and started talking. They had series of dates for even up to a year. At a point around middle of last year my friend lost her mum. The guy came around but she noticed that after about 2 months her mum passed away things began to change. The guys interest began to decline. They didn’t fight or disagree but he just changed. So after some enquiry, the guy told her he didn’t love her anymore and that he has been managing to Know if the feelings he felt for her can come back again but now he is tired.
That story is a simple example of infatuation. She did nothing wrong, things were moving well but the feeling was no more there for the guy…. His understanding of love is just as a mere feeling.
We all have at one point or the other have a crush on someone, an actor, musician or a friend’s friend or neighbor even when we are in a relationship. That is a practical example of infatuation. Infatuation is short-lived, shallow, self-seeking, can be strong and very passionate but it just ends on actions that have been ignited by emotional feelings.
When we say infatuation is short-lived, research has show that it could last for up to an average of 2yrs and it could also lead to love. Infact, for some school of thought it is the first stage if love/ romantic relationship. Because in as much as love is deeper, it was first ignited by certain level of attraction.
How do you think one can tell when love is real or just infatuation?
Well, a romantic relationship may start with the tingles and butterfly feelings of infatuation…. But along the line it could mature to real love when both find greater interest in each other. True love is not based on feelings. Feelings come and go. You can hear people say, ” I have fallen in love with you again”. That means that there was a time the feeling declined. Real love is about commitment to a particular person who is interested in you. It’s about taking a deeper responsibility for your relationship and love life. You can simply know that this is more real than mere feelings and play when you can make true sacrifices for the person and see yourself ending up forever in a committed relationship such as marriage with them. True love is tested by time and life challenges. True love is forgiving, tolerable, not self centred, etc but in infatuation, there are some self centred interest attached and it doesn’t possess some of the qualities of true love.
LOVE VS INFATUATION:
1. Infatuation happens instantly. Love is a slow process.
2. Infatuation craves physical affection. Love craves a deeper connection.
3. Infatuation makes you act irrationally or ‘crazy.’ Love calms you down.
4. Infatuation is intense but short-lived. Love is comfortable but lasts longer.
5. Infatuation is reckless with our emotions. Love is more considerate.
6. Infatuation has ulterior motives. Love has genuine intentions.
7. Infatuation brings out obsession and jealousy. Love brings out understanding and trust.
8. Infatuation is shallow. Love is deep.
9. Infatuation is selfish and draining. Love is kind and energizing.
10. Infatuation makes a big deal out of small things. Love lets them go.
11. Infatuation is being in love with the idea of someone. Love is being in love with who the person really is.
12. Infatuation is possessive. Love is generous.
13. Infatuation holds grudges. Love forgives.
14. Infatuation keeps you guessing. Love answers your questions.
15. Infatuation thrives on playing games. Love thrives on meaningful connections.
16. Infatuation is rocky. Love is solid.
17. Infatuation is delusional. Love is real.
18. Infatuation follows a timeline. Love is timeless.
19. Infatuation has unrealistic expectations. Love has realistic standards.
20. Infatuation is childish. Love is mature.
21. Infatuation grows with desire. Love grows with friendship.
22. Infatuation stems from insecurity. Love stems from self-assurance.
23. Infatuation makes you vengeful. Love makes you a better person.
24. Infatuation makes you forget you have a life. Love is integrated with yours.
25. Infatuation can leave unannounced. Love provides explanations.
26. Infatuation is never content with one person. Love is monogamous.
27. Infatuation is undefined. Love is exclusive.
28. Infatuation is loud. Love is quiet.
29. Infatuation can be self-destructive. Love can heal you.
30. Infatuation thinks love should be perfect. Love knows it’s not but it doesn’t matter.
How do we know when infatuation has finally led to real love?
In other words, real love can as well be converted to infatuation? This kind of swinging between love and infatuation makes me to question if love was there at the first instance. There might be love at first place but the issue is that the little things that causes the attraction in the first place are what keep the love fresh everyday. Things such as “you are beautiful”, “you are looking tired today” “come let me wear you your shoe”, “you look amazing”, “the style of hair that suit the person”, “understanding and enjoying each other’s personality”, and above all, a mind that is as free as a bird. This and many little things are later substituted for extra ordinary things in the case of infatuation which raises ones expectation unnecessarily, and since those standards are not natural, maintaining the relationship will be hard and then suddenly, the whole mountain of affection will come crumbling.
God bless you!