An interactive session between the moderator and the members of Bed Briefing House.
Topic: CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP
Moderator: Miss Onyebueke Chinwendu.
Venue: Bed briefing Telegram house.
Date: 13 May, 2021.
Collator: Miss Adaobi Obiekezie.
So we are going to explain the meaning of these two words “Christian”and “Courtship”
So who is a Christian?
– A Christian is someone whose behavior and heart reflects Jesus Christ
– For me, a Christian is one who believes and follows the teachings of Jesus Christ.
– A Christian is a believer of Christ and probably behaves christ-like.
From these definitions we have that a Christian is an individual who seeks to live his or her life according to the principles and values taught by Jesus Christ
So the next level, what is Courtship?
-It is an alternative to arranged marriages in which the couple or group doesn’t meet before the wedding. During a courtship, a couple or group gets to know each other and decides if there will be an engagement.
– Courtship is a preparatory period for 2 individuals intending to get married.
– From my understanding, courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it’s God’s will for them to marry eachother as a husband and wife. So courtship is a pre-preparatory stage for marriage in which the intending would be couples seek to understand and tolerate eachothers attitude.
So for me Courtship is the act of wooing in love; solicitation of woman to marriage or other romantic relationship.
It’s also a pre-marriage relationship. It is a period of learning, adjustment, adaptation. It’s a time of formation and training.
What’s the difference between Dating and Courtship?
– For my own understanding courtship is the activities that occur when people are developing a romantic relationship that my lead to marriage while dating is a romantic relationship that the future is not certain.
-Dating relationships are started without any consultation from parents while Courting integrates parents into the very core of a relationship.
– Dating is casual while courtship is exclusive with movement towards engagement.
Dating presents a man and woman with a number of potential ends to their relationship whereas Courtship is our opinions earlier, so it has only one potential which is marriage
Who are the people expected to be courting each other?
The people expected to be courting each other are two people of opposite sex who made decision that their only purpose is to one day get married in the presence of God.
So Christain Courtship is when a matured man and woman prayerfully and purposefully seek to determine if marriage is in God’s plan for them. They are not “trying each other out” but rather courting their each other in Christ to lead a Godly marriage.
Emphasis on matured.
Maturity encompasses physical, financial, emotional, mental and so on that is just saying that they should be adult in all ramifications.
How can they sustain the relationship without sinning against God and themselves?
-They should respect the fact that they are not yet married and so shouldn’t start living like the married people.
– Self control and praying for sufficient grace of God upon them.
Patience and tolerance. Above all, positive love devoid of erotic love.
– Intimate Openess to each other is very necessary at this stage. Pretence should not be entertained in any guise.
1. They should spell out boundaries from the beginning.
2. They have to dispose themselves to attending masses and receiving Holy Communion together to avoid falling into sin.
3. They have to spend quality time together but always in an open public place.
4. They should be natural with each other.
5. They should be 100% honest with each other and remove pretext.
6. They should have a priest they are talking to from time to time.
How should a Christian Courtship last??
– 2 to 3 years…..
Is that years not much?
-It is not… In some churches self even after being joined together they will still tell you guys to get to know yourself for another one year before bearing children. Maybe because “true courtship” alone can not reveal enough details needed in the marriage.
For me, I don’t think you can know a person in totality… Because with each passing day you will always learn new things about each other (I think this part is better explained by the already married for at least 5years). I hear people say when my wife was pregnant, I saw hell… When this, when that happened I almost gave up on the marriage, reason being that certain events which will happen in marriage cannot happen in courtship phase.
To the next question…..
What are the advantages of Christain Courtship?
CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP Is an opportunity for us to really get acquainted with the primordial reason for entering into marriage.
The advantages include:
1. They share eternal salvation in Christ together.
2. They are one in spirit, sharing the same Lord, faith and word
3. By the grace of God in Christ the fruits of the spirit will fill their hearts and make their marriage a blessed relationship governed by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self control etc
4. They’ll be guided to fulfill their marital role and duties to each other.
5. With Christ’s love in their hearts, each will love the other according to God’s commandments.
6. Being one in spirit in Christ and his word, the husband and wife will agree on how to raise and train their children in the Lord and in the atmosphere of a Christian home.
7. Upon the death of either spouse, the survivor has the comfort of knowing his/her loved one is with the Lord in heaven..
” Let us always remember that no one is perfect so because of that, there can never be a perfect husband/wife but we try to be perfect for each other through Christ who strengthens us.
General Questions and answers
1.Please what is the difference between trying each other out and courting each other in Christ?
– For me I think it’s when two are just in a relationship for the fun of it that is just having sex is them trying each other out but when they are keeping Christ’s standards example praying together then they are courting each other in Christ.
2. Please does it mean that marriage must be between matured people ?
If yes, please what’s the criteria for measuring maturity even among those who claim not to be matured and they want to marry or maybe forced into marriage.
– For me I think maturity is when an individual is able reason rationally, know when to compromise and when to air his/her view. Because what they are going into which is marriage is all about compromising and supporting each other.
3. So there’s something called erotic love and it is not good for people in courtship?
What is this erotic love?
– Devoted to or tending to aroused sexual love or desire.
4. They have to dispose themselves to attending masses and receiving Holy Communion together to avoid falling into sin. What if they don’t practice same faith?
5. Furthermore I hear people say; His or her sexual libido is to high or too low for me. And this alone can ruin a marriage and how would they have known this details in a true courtship?
Or He has a very small/big manhood, I can’t deal with it.
How should she have known this in a true courtship as well?
– Courtship should go beyond just talking or knowing about the past of each other in my own opinion… Because when certain things like those things I spelt out begins to happen after marriage and they don’t divorce(because of what people will say) then it becomes self imprisonment….
– I think medical test is part of the courtship we are discussing….
– The major aim for marriage should not be summarized in sexual fantasy. Marriage is beyond that. If not, a time will come when such fantasy will fade away, and then marital crisis will resonate uncontrollably. Marriage should be geared towards mutual enrichment of couples. Ability to tolerate the weakness that they could not observe during courtship provided it is not as a result of deceit.
6. I need more enlightenment of what mutual enrichment means..
7. How do you know that it is God’s assistance? Is it not only when the marriage (not wedding) is running smoothly?
– Not only when marriage is running smoothly. God can place you in a marriage that you think it’s not running smoothly only for you to actualize a higher goal in that marriage. That is why we need Grace of patience and tolerance in marriage..
Thanks and God bless you